piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
