We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
