Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
