how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
