the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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