i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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