I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
