The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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