I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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