Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
