you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
