i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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