still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
