just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
