"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
