I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
