If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
