But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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