Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
