I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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