you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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