I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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