I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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