I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
