cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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