Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
