Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
