A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
