new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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