Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize