did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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