Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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