Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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