dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
