I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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