happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
