How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
