chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She needs sedatives and a leash
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize