Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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