we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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