I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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