Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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