Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
