She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
