I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
