I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you win again, gameday.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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