Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
