Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
