i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
