i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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