my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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