Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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