im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize