I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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