they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
