saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
