How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
