goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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