There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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