i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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